February 2008

"Why Me?"

on the entry of February 26, 2008
Distant TV murmurs

       Can I ask a favor of everyone who reads this? Unless you're a completely self-centered, incompassionate asshole, when faced with a despairing situation, please refrain from saying the phrase, "Why me?". Just "why", however, is fine. The reason I say this is because I can't get my head around why someone would utter those words (especially outloud). To me they seem to be saying, "I hate this; I wish it were happening to someone else--not me." The world is full of shitty happenings and shitty feelings, why you? Why anyone? You asshole. I'm sure most people don't mean what that phrase suggests... but I'm just saying.

Can't Think Of A Good Title

on the entry of February 20, 2008
The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

       I actually like this layout despite its plainness, but it seems that since I put it up I've lost interest in my site. I just feel like updating is useless, because not enough people visit the sub pages anyway. Also, I don't feel like my writing, and art is good enough to be the main focus of the site, though that's what I want. I don't want a personal site at all. This was originally supposed to be solely a writing site. Hmm... I dunno. Also I feel like people just go to others' sites comment in hopes of getting a visit back to their site, and rarely ever look at anyone's content. I'll admit it, I do that alot. In school we're reading the scarlet letter, and now we're doing an essay on it. One of the quotes we can choose to write about is, "To the untrue man, the whole universe is false". (Maybe I'll add that to the quotes page...) Maybe I think everyone does that, because I do. Do you guys do this? You atleast do sometimes huh?

       Did you know that dark pages use less energy to be displayed than lighter pages? Or something like that... lol. Well, Blackle.com is a search engine, very much like Google, that uses a black background. Go check it out.. and tell me what you think of the whole thing.

V-Day

on the entry of February 16, 2008
the ominous rumbling of the computer

       V-day as in Valentines Day, not the movement against violence towards women [Hint: Click the link]. Just cliché, old Valentines Day. To me it's not a big deal--obviously lol, but my boyfriend thought it was. He got me 12, "Papaya" colored roses, yay, and a really large teddy bear, YAY! I love it. I named him Hubert, ha. My favorite part of the day, however was when I asked him if I truly made him happy, if it was worth it, and he said yes as sincerely as anyone ever has, and then he asked me the same question and I said yes... it was just awesome. lol.

       Maybe the reason I don't care too much for the holiday is because, I don't feel that a day where everyone is celebrating their love, is special to me and my significant other, ya know? But my boyfriend reminded me that Valentine's Day came to be because of St. Valentine and his lover's death or something. Maybe if I read up on it, I'll appreciate the whole thing more... I'll read it next year...too lazy now. I dunno, I felt a Valentine's Day post was almost mandatory, haha.

Kicked Out, Righteous

on the entry of February 9, 2008
incessant Dragon Ball Z theme music...

       Yesterday was quite a day. It started with me not wanting to go to the laundry mat with my dad, and it ended with him telling me to leave, and not come back--except to get my things. There was some yelling, disrespect, unbridled anger, violent-ass gestures, and lack of understanding in the middle. All three of us, my mom, my dad, and I are responsible for one thing or another on that list, and I completely see that. But they think that I'm the guilty one, 100%. And that's why I actually did leave. I can stand everything except for the complete lack of understanding... and the violent gestures... and my dad prohibiting my boyfriend to come over. Sorry but don't try to seperate me from the most important thing in my life, because I got mad that you were being violent... Dick. I'm currently at my boyfriend's (which explains why I'm listening to Dragon Ball Z theme music). I called my mom last night, and worked things out with her. I'll just let me dad worry a bit / I'm scared to call him, because he'll most likely say close minded shit that will upset me. He's known for that.

REVISION: I'm back home; things are fine with my parents--well as fine as they can be.

       Speaking of close minded. In American Studies class last week we did a worksheet on immigrants/ illegal immigrants. I am an immigrant, and there is a rumor going around that I'm illegal--still I thought, "*Exhale* I can handle this". And I was able to handle it until the class broke out with racist-ass comments. One girl, the worst one of all, was talking about 'turban heads', while making noises with her tounge. Other people were saying that all the Mexican's need to leave THEIR country. The original chick was saying that when she moved to Florida she was going to build a giant fence around her house and put up signs telling the immigrants to keep out. I was thinking, "Sorry, bitch. But no immigrant is gonna want to come talk to you anyway. Bitch." The packet disproved the fact that most immigrants are illegal, and that they take away Americans' jobs, and shit like that. However, there was this one part about how they do speak their original language at home most of the time, because there aren't enough English courses available. The whole class started bitching about how if people are gonna come into there country they better not speak spanish, and that they all better learn how to drive. I speak solely spanish at home...and my mom doesn't know how to drive. At this point my heart was beating so damn fast. I was shaking. Adrenaline was pumping through me. I came up with this righteous-ass speech in my head to give the class, even making sure that I didn't use swears to make my point the right way. The most I did was kind of call the stupid chick out. But that's it. I didn't give the speech. I regret that, but I am in highschool, and chances are I wasn't going to make these ignorant motherfuckers see how cruel they were being.

       Then I was on my way to Walmart with my boyfriend, and our friend, and he said something about not giving a SHIT about starving people in Africa. I couldn't even believe it; how could one not care? Then I asked him his views on immigrants, and he said they all need to leave HIS country. And that he only cares about the starving people in his country, who are legal, because those are his people. I thought this person was kind, level-headed, and righteous. Jesus, by the end of the conversation I was short of jumping out of his car, and walking my ass home. Eventually my boyfriend and I made him see his error, and he gained all his friend points back, as I told him, ha. But it just upset me that my materialistic, straight-up mean, ignorant classmates thought things like that, and that my own friends did too. So basically, I'm disgusted by this goddamn place (the world), but while I'm here I'm gonna open as many people's eyes as possible, while helping our decaying environment too. How much impact can one person have though? Not much, so I need to recruit.

1 year, Irascibility and Neopets

on the entry of February 2, 2008
Phantom of the Opera by Lacrimosa

       Yesterday was my boyrfriend and my one year anniversary. Woot woot. We went to a japanese restaurant called Mikata, where they cook the food in front of you. It was a really nice time. He said next time we were going to go to a place, where you eat Sushi like they do in Japan. Like in a room with traditional, flowery sliding doors, and mats, and... stuff. If you don't know what I mean, then watch America's Next Top Model when they go to Japan, lol. That's what I picture only less extreme, because I doubt they offer everyone kimmonos, ha, though that would be sweet.

       One of the reasons I love my boyfriend is because he helps me with myself. He supports me emotionally, so well. He never complains, and always clarifies things for me, even if they're the same things I'm always upset about. Well, thanks to him I've realized how damn irascible I am. I always knew it, but he made me really realize it, and now I want to fix that.

       Aside from actually doing ALL my homework lately, one of the reasons I haven't been updating much lately is because I've been playing Neopets. I'm basically just trying to get really, really rich and buy a paintbrush. I want either the Strawberry Fields Forever one (named after the Beatles song?! I hope so.), or the Baby one. Everyone should go check out Neopets. If at first glance the site looks stupid... let me be the first to admit that there are many stupid aspects about it, but also many, many addictingly fun ones. Like the games, and the shops, and the... everything but the boards, lol.